Rules of Acquisition...

It has been said that there are five stages to acquisition: infatuation, justification, appropriation, obsession and resale. i think this is extraordinarily true in this culture. We see items we can't live without, we rationalize why we need
them, we acquire them, we enjoy them, telling ourselves what a wise purchase it was (of course this period is shorter with food, drink, drugs, etc), and then we often regret owning them, or more often that we have spent money that we can't spend on the next infatuation.

Now, while this was meant to describe merchandise, i think that in our culture, we extend the stages to other things, hobbies for instance, or interests. My dad jumps from one hobby to another, exhausting everything there is to know and perfect, and then drops it. Some stick around much longer than others, but only one at a time gets full interest. i do the same thing sometimes with books and television shows. My sporadic intensity with working out over the past 5 years and then lapsing as i get busy with something else is evidence of this.

i also think people in our culture frequently go through these stages in relationships. This is not to say that we're not capable of having long term monogamy, but how many people in this country marry the first person they date or have all the same friends they did in childhood? Think about it. We become interested in someone. At some point, there is a higher threshold to holding onto this person than our average peer and we want to keep them, so we try harder or work at a relationship or give of ourselves, our time, our money, etc. We justify it by deciding we get as much out of the relationship or more than we put into it. Through this process we actually appropriate the friend or significant other. At this point, we revel in it. We rely on this person, confide in, and love them. At some point, we tire of them or don't want to put in the same effort or regret having to apply so much effort to what used to be easier or yield more satisfaction and regret we can't spend our resources elsewhere.

This is probably part of why half of all marriages end in divorce, and i suspect that this is why in our culture, friendships die at such a high rate. i would be incredibly curious to see the numbers on "friendship divorce." i think that the friendships and marriages that last are when people get to the resale stage and reinvest. They decide that the best use of their resources is to apply them where they initially began. This reinvestment may cost more than going elsewhere, but they also know more about what they'll gain from it. In some ways, it's a safer bet. In some ways, it's a very brave thing because if both parties aren't interested in this reinvestment, it goes badly.

i dislike thinking about human relationships in monetary terms or investment strategies, but i think that may be why i often don't understand why people give up on relationships. We live in a world and society where investment is a more comprehensible idea than love. Investments change from day to day. Love is unchanging. It is unselfish each day.

Well, as the bumper sticker says: