All in the Family

Well, as I was skimming through the latest issue of Liberty University's publication, I came across an ad for Samaritan Ministries. I've since done a little research on this group. it's quite interesting. Basically, their aim is to provide affordable security for medical expenses. In practice, it works just like medical insurance (plus the church prayer chain).

They take every possible pain to show how different they are from "insurance," but the process is identical. You pay a monthly fee and administrative costs so that you will receive money if and when you need it later. Just like insurance, you pay a premium and you cannot have a pre-existing condition that needs continued treatment (diabetes, etc).

THE BIG BONUS: You get your name and health problem published in a newsletter so other people can read about you and pray for you, just like the church bulletin, etc. Wait, what if you don't attend church already? Well you're out of luck my friend.

THE DIFFERENCE... between Samaritan Ministries and insurance is that if you're not a "Christian," as defined by them, then you cannot participate. Included in these conditions are regular church attendance. Let's look at these conditions (word for word from the brochure):

-Must be a born-again Christian (Jn 3:3)
Great. Hope you didn't grow up in a church from the time you were a kid, being nurtured in the faith by your parents and church (Prov 22:6).

-Must attend church 3 out of 4 weeks per month except when health or weather prevents it (Heb 10:24-25)
Didn't you know that God takes attendance? You apparently cannot gather in your home with friends or at the homeless shelter to read scripture and sing songs. Unlike the Bible might indicate (Mt 18:20).

-Must not abuse alcohol, (Ep 5:18) and must indicate on the application from one of the following options: 1- Abstain from alcohol use completely; or 2- Drink alcohol only in extreme moderation.
I suppose someone has to measure this and have the minister sign off.

-Must totally abstain from illegal drugs, use of tobacco, and sexual relations outside of monogamous, heterosexual marriage. (I Cor 3:16-17)
-Must participate in good health measures, since your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. (I Cor 6:19-20)
I see, so does this mean only specific foods? Nothing unhealthy? Say goodbye to Thin Mints, bacon, ice cream, butter, and carbs. Who decided tobacco is more dangerous than Mig Macs? You can die just as quickly from 2 or 3 of those a day as a cigarette habit. Those are all considered unhealthy these days. And those born-agains better not have a history of drug or alcohol use or fornication. That might lead them to have health problems that aren't covered now.

-Your pastor or another church leader must sign a verification form, confirming that you meet these requirements. (Heb 13:17)
Again, if you don't attend a church building, you might not have a "pastor." That's not non-Biblical, for we are called to go into the world many times, and yes, to gather with fellow believers, but Jesus never once preached a church attendance sermon. Besides, this verse speaks about submitting to "those that rule over you." In most faith traditions, your pastor does not rule over you. He serves you. Christ was a servant leader. As a future minister, I must seek to serve my congregations, not rule them.

I'm not sure you can define a Christian by these standards, and even if you could, is it the calling of Christians to only take care of other Christians? Is it our calling to first ask someone if they are decent and good and our brand of believers before assisting. Did the Samaritan in Jesus' parable interrogate the bleeding, naked man on the road to ask if they ascribed to the same beliefs or culture or what his past held? No. In fact, he was quite different from the man in belief and practice, and he had mercy on him. You'd think an organization with such a name might be most interested in helping all people and having mercy on anyone in trouble. I leave it for you to decide. At least... they have affordable rates...

"Iron Man? Catchy, but technically it's gold titanium..."

Iron Man was fantastic. I went in expecting very little (like I did when I went to see Daredevil). I expected explosions, corny super hero jokes, a lame delivery by Robert Downey Jr., and two-dimensional female love interests. I was happily wrong.

While this is no Batman Begins (it just doesn’t carry as many big hitter actors), and the making of Iron Man from Tony Stark is not the same tale of overcoming family murder to fight for justice, it is a good intro movie to the creation of Iron Man.

Robert Downey Jr. was the perfect choice for Iron Man/Tony Stark. Time magazine was right. The character of Stark parallels Downey very well. Downey is a long-time drug addict who has finally emerged from rehab with a sobriety that’s sticking and landing some of his best parts, a mid-life turn around. Stark’s character is a billionaire playboy who gets a wake up call that his lifestyle and his weapons manufacturer company are hurting more than helping others and himself. He rallies, with the help of his friends.

While Iron Man cannot tout Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, or Liam Neeson, it does have good old Jeff Bridges, the rising and very talented Terrence Howard (August Rush, Hustle and Flow, the Brave One), and a very new and different role for Gwyneth Paltrow. She kicks ass and takes names as the dedicated and tenacious right-hand (wo)man to Stark.

In addition, if you’re going for the obligatory explosions, gadgets, and tech, you will be far from disappointed. It’s not terribly believable, but you’ll forget that until the credits are done rolling. Speaking of which… DO NOT LEAVE BEFORE THE CREDITS ARE OVER! Like X-Men 3, there’s a great 2 minute set up for the next movie after the credits, and it stars another big Hollywood hitter who isn’t in the rest of the movie. So buckle down, strap in, and don’t leave early. This one is worth seeing on the big screen.

What is Your Giraffe?

This is the sermon i delivered to the church i am serving currently. To give you some context, it is a 90-member small, old, rural United Methodist Church. It's north of Richmond in Studley (Mechanicsville suburb).

What is Your Giraffe?

Acts 17:22-31 (NRSV)

²²Then Paul stood in front of the Areopagus and said, “Athenians, I see how extremely religious you are in every way. ²³For as I went through the city and looked carefully at the objects of your worship, I found among them an altar with the inscription, ‘To an unknown god.’

What therefore you worship as unknown, this I proclaim to you. ²⁴The God who made the world and everything in it, he who is Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in shrines made by human hands, ²⁵nor is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since he himself gives to all mortals life and breath and all things.

²⁶From one ancestor he made all nations to inhabit the whole earth, and he allotted the times of their existence and the boundaries of the places where they would live, ²⁷so that they would search for God and perhaps reach for him and find him— though indeed he is not far from each one of us.

²⁸For ‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we too are his offspring.’ ²⁹Since we are God’s offspring, we ought not to think that the deity is like gold, or silver, or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of mortals. ³⁰While God has overlooked the times of human ignorance, now he commands all people everywhere to repent, ³¹because he has fixed a day on which he will have the world judged in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed, and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead.”

What is your Giraffe?

I spent my first summer of college working as a counselor at a small Christian camp in the mountains of North Carolina. It was an overnight camp for kids ages six to sixteen. Each group of kids was assigned one male counselor and one female. We had the kids from Sunday till Friday afternoon, so for 24 hours a day, those six days, especially to the little ones, we were mommy and daddy. We loved those little kids… most of them. And they loved us… most of the time.

We swam, we hiked, we ate hot dogs over campfires. We sang and danced and played games all day long. We had a Bible study each day and time for arts and craft. One week, I had a little girl in my seven year old crew. She was a little home sick and clingy and spent the week not more than five feet from me, rarely letting me out of eyesight. She picked out a wooden kitchen spoon at craft time the first day and spent the week painting it. After a few days, she’d finished painting the big spoon entirely in bright… simple… plain yellow, several coats thick. She came over and presented it to me. “It’s a giraffe,” she said beaming. I thanked her and put it in my backpack. It’s still there. Five years later, and I still get people in my classes who ask me “What is that?” “A giraffe.”

How do you show someone you love them? What is your giraffe? When you’re seven years old, maybe you give your camp counselor a bright yellow spoon. When you’re eleven, maybe you clean your room before mom even asks. When you’re sixteen, maybe you ask that special one to prom. When you’re twenty-one, maybe you stay up all night with the friend who can’t believe she’s been dumped or the one who can’t believe he didn’t get that job he was sure he was going to get. When you’re thirty, maybe you make dinner for your friend who has been going through physical therapy after the accident. When you’re forty, maybe you get off work to go see your own seven year old perform in the school play. We’ve all done these things. What is your giraffe?

What if it’s someone you barely like? What if it’s someone you barely know?

“You can’t reach someone, you don’t love.” My mother told me this when I was very young and repeated it many times. She is a life-long grade school teacher. She, too, likes giraffes. I know she believed that, and I know she lives it. I also know she prays for those kids she teaches and loves them very much. She wouldn’t be the teacher she is, if she didn’t.

“You can’t reach someone, you don’t love.” To understand Paul here in the Areopagus, you have to understand Paul’s ministry. Paul uses the word “love” one hundred twenty times and “brother” one hundred and twenty-nine in his letters to the people of the early Church. He loves these people. Paul has his very harsh moments, but he always speaks in love.

When I was in college, there was a gathering place in front of the student union. It was where the center of campus life was, our Areopagus. Frequently, usually in warmer sunny weather, a man named Gary Birdsong, or the Pit Preacher, made appearances. His favorite topics were the various reasons that we as college students were headed for a fiery eternity. He loved to preach from Paul and explain to us in loud rants why all the girls shouldn’t be wearing pants or talking in public, why all of the Jews and Muslims had no hope, and why those of us boys with long hair were confusing the natural order. Apparently Jesus, Paul, and all those apostles had crew cuts (my minister and I both have them) to avoid being mistaken for women. I was always sorry for Gary. He has no giraffe.

Paul does not storm in and say, “Oh, Athenians, you fools and heathens, it’s straight to the lake of fire for you!”

“Athenians, I see how extremely religious you are in every way.” For Paul, a Jew, and for these people, this is a high compliment. Paul doesn’t think he’s better than these Athenians.

“From one ancestor he made all nations to inhabit the whole earth.” Paul says to these people he barely knows, “you are my brothers and my sisters. I will speak to you as if you are my own blood. I will treat you as I would have you treat me. For if I speak to you out of love, my words may reach you.” Paul wants to reach these people where they are. This is Paul’s giraffe.

“Love is patient, love is kind.” Does this sound familiar? This is Paul. Paul speaks patiently in kindness to those gathered here in the Aeropagus. How do we speak to our brothers and sisters in the places we trod?

“He allotted the times of their existence and the boundaries of the places where they would live.” Why? “So that they would search for God and perhaps reach for him and find him.”

God has placed each of us where we are, in our families, in our lives, in our jobs, in our schools, in our churches, in this very country. Why? So that we can help each other find God. Can you reach the people in your life that God has surrounded you with? You can’t reach someone you don’t love.

What will it take? I’m fairly sure that a bright yellow spoon is not the best way to show your coworker or your bank teller that you love them. Maybe it is, I of course don’t know the people in your life. But do you?

If you do, you already know how to show them you love them. You have a giraffe for those people, those places. You can’t share your faith, you can’t share your story with someone who doesn’t believe that you sincerely love and care about them. You wouldn’t hang up on someone calling to offer you a job or telling you that you won the lottery. You would probably hang up on a telemarketer. It’s much easier to ignore someone who has his own interests at heart than someone who has your interests at heart.

How then can we be like Paul? How can we reach our neighbors, how can we reach for God and find him with our brothers and sisters? If we reach people by loving them, then reaching people is impossible until we show people we love them.

Paul speaks to the Athenians just like an Athenian. He uses their language, he uses their lingo, and he uses his understanding of their culture. He even quotes their own poets. The familiar, this is Paul’s giraffe for the Athenians. Paul could not have reached them if he had spoken over their heads or used the familiar Jewish terms. He could not have reached them any other way. He used the familiar. He cared enough about them to meet them where they were.

Today, Psalm 66 was read in the King James Version some of you may have heard growing up, familiar. You heard John 14 in the newer Message version. This language may sound more like what you use to talk to your friends and family in everyday life. The Message version was written by Eugene Peterson. He is the friend and colleague of my Greek professor and one of the leading pastors in new church plants in the United States. Like Martin Luther, he believes that the best way to reach someone is to care about their needs, and one of those needs is being able to understand God’s word. You may not consider yourself a Biblical expert, but you come and hear the word read and preached on each week and many of you attend Sunday school classes. You know enough to explain many things to your children, your parents, your co-workers and fellow students.

Every relationship you have with someone is an opportunity for Christ to be there. Always ask yourself, “Do I love this person? Do they know it?” You can’t reach them, if either answer is “No.” People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. You have to find a way to show people. If you spend enough time listening to the needs of everyone God has put in your life, you’ll be able to show each of them that you love them.

If that doesn’t work, you can always try… a giraffe.

Ism's (Finally)

I talked to several of you about this blog a week or two ago. i didn't do any more work on it since then, but i finally decided to post it in it's rough form. It'll eventually bear fruit and be a sermon topic. It is the product of much conversation a couple weeks ago and even more before that. Thanks to all of you who helped shape and articulate, including Ferris. Feedback is encouraged...

Feminism – The Radical Notion that Women are People

Christianity – The Radical Notion that People are People
…and all people are equal…

I think maybe Ferris Bueller was on to something. “-Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself.” I think I would take that a step farther. Maybe most, if not all for a lack of a better word “necessary” or maybe “nobly-intended” –Ism’s that Christians ascribe to are the failure of Christianity, or Christians.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” –Gal 3:28

Well, the point can be made that Paul says some pretty crazy things (like women shouldn’t speak in church or teach, or cover their heads in worship, etc), but Christ lived out these principles each time he sat and spoke with women or asked for a drink from a Samaritan, or sent his Holy Spirit to proclaim his good news to the gathered crowds of every nation.

Any –Ism that seeks to uphold the principles contained in this, religious or secular, is seeking to correct a problem in society that Christians are failing to address.

Ism’s (and the like) as a category:

Communism – Strives for economic responsibility and equality so that those who have much can share with those who have little, exactly as Christ instructed, exactly how the early Church operated. However, it imposes this system, which is the opposite of the early Church and what Christ asks of us.

Democracy – Strives for the equal representation of all people and equal rights and voice given to all views.

Anarchism – Strives for absolute freedom through personal responsibility, which is a very Christ-like goal. However, like Communism, is impossible in the practical sense.

Libertarianism – Strives to put great limits on the governments we need for practical reasons, but as with Communism, fails because people are greedy.

Humanism – Strives to value human dignity and values. However, it tends to leave out the importance of God over and above that, the creator of humans and the only one who loves us all unconditionally.

Fundamentalism – Strives for truly discerning God’s will and God’s plan in the face of growing doubt and uncertainty. It, like many Ism’s is built on good intentions, however, it engenders hostility and narrow-mindedness.

Radicalism – Strives for living out one’s principles, in spite of all opposition, much as we can characterize the life of Christ, but only Christ was completely pure in motive and deed.

Affirmative Action – Strives to correct injustices done to the oppressed. However, it seeks to eventually create equality by temporary inequality, an ends justify the means sort of gain draws criticism in hindsight (see: atom bombs, internment camps…)

Secularism – Strives to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of those with non-religious beliefs or those different from the predominate faith group, but it often neglects the upbringing of those within all faith traditions. No religious or cultural celebration means a loss of heritage to the proceeding generations.

Religious Fanaticism – Strives to include God in our every decision, but fails to mediate peace between us and our neighbor, who is also God’s child.

Abolitionism – Strives to free all people from oppression and slavery.

Prohibition – Strives to protect people from the violence, tragedy, and health concerns brought about by the abuse of alcohol and its distribution.

Someone once said that “extremism in your camp destroys the moderates in mine.”

If Christians could live as Christ called, and as many communities in the early Church did, then what was grown, what was earned, what was made could all be shared and no one would go without. There would be no need to force taxes or class structures or intrusive governments on anyone, trading liberties for charity.

If the principles of equality and racial harmony were practiced as Christ did, then there would be no need for abolitionism and feminism and affirmative action. If we all lived the outrageous principles of servitude and other before self, there would be no radicalism because everyone would be radical.

In other words, if Christianity put on its working clothes and if Christians marched out into this world like the early Church did (which is why it grew), then none of those Ism’s would be necessary. Everyone would be a feminist, everyone an abolitionist, everyone a radical, everyone an anarchist because no one would know what one of those was. They would call us each a Christian, a little Christ, and they would know we were Christians by our love.

Beating around the Bush to find the Gore

My favorite past time is NOT defending George Bush. But when using someone as a reference point that has done so much to repeal the advances in environmental policies in the US to put Al Gore in a healthy perspective, i'll do what i must. Yes, i've checked the Associated Press AND Snopes. This IS accurate...

LOOK OVER THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING TWO HOUSES AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL WHICH BELONGS TO AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

HOUSE # 1:

A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400.00 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern "snow belt," either. It's in the South.

HOUSE # 2:

Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the area blend the property into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE # 1 (20 room energy guzzling mansion) is outside of Nashville, Tennessee. It is the abode of that renowned environmentalist (and filmmaker) Al Gore.

HOUSE # 2 (model eco-friendly house) is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas. Also known as "the Texas White House," it is the private residence of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

So whose house is gentler on the environment? Yet another story you WON'T hear on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC or read about in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Indeed, for Mr. Gore, it's truly "an inconvenient truth."

An update on a classic

So, i got to thinking the other day. If the Barenaked Ladies were to have written their song "If I had a Million Dollars" in today's 2008 economy, it would have been more like this...

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd rent you a room in Al Gore’s house (10,000 square feet has got to be green)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you the Harry Potter Collection for your shelf (maybe all the Blue-Rays too)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you half a tank of gas (a nice reliant premium grade)
If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy you love

If I had a billion dollars
I'd build a spaceship in our yard
If I had a billion dollars
I’d get Tom Cruise to help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had a billion dollars
Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there
Wouldn't that be fabulous!

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I buy you one of Duke’s referees (but not an old one, that's just cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a rare exotic pet (like a Papillion or a faithful politician)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you Kenneth Jennings’ brains (You could win every Jeopardy game)
If I had a billion dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a billion dollars
We'd take a hybrid limousine cause it costs more
If I had a billion dollars We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinners (we could afford to buy organic and maybe half a gallon of milk)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you some low rise jeans (but not real low rise in back)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you some art (but nothing modern, that’s cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you an election (haven't you always wanted a president that invented the internet?)
If I had a billion dollars If I had a billion dollars If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars I'd be getting’ tax breaks from George Bush!

(i'll try to get this recorded soon)

Simple Update

Haven't written in a while.

It was spring "break" here at Union. As it was also Holy Week, i spent the latter half of the week doing stuff for and going to the evening church services. My youth group led the early worship on Easter today. They did a great job, really made me proud. But it meant i was busy preparing stuff this week.

We spent Monday and Tuesday shuttling back and forth from Chapel Hill with a Suburban and U-Haul to get Ashley's remaining stuff from her mother's house, the final move out. We had dinner with her mom on Monday evening, which was nice.

i also spent some time discovering how embarrassingly out of shape i am when i went to swim some laps at the Y on Friday and Saturday. i haven't been in a pool in 2 years and at least as long since i did laps. i have to be able to do a few for my Red Cross Instructor class this week. i surely hope i don't drown.

White Flour

by David LaMotte

(a true story about events that occurred on May 26, 2007. © 2007 Lower Dryad Music)

David performed, spoke this beautiful poem at Union tonight and i had to pass it on. No editorial, it speaks for itself...

The day was bright and sunny as most May days tend to be
In the hills of Appalachia down in Knoxville, Tennessee
The men put on their uniforms and quickly took their places
In white robes and those tall and pointed hoods that hid their faces

Their feet all fell in rhythm as they started their parade
They raised their fists into the air, they bellowed and they brayed
They loved to stir the people up, they loved when they were taunted
They didn’t mind the anger, that’s precisely what they wanted

As they came around the corner, sure enough, the people roared
They couldn’t quite believe their ears, it seemed to be – support?
Had Knoxville finally seen the light, were people coming ‘round?
The men thought for a moment that they’d found their kind of town

But then they turned their eyes to where the cheering had its source
As one their faces soured as they saw the mighty force
The crowd had painted faces, and some had tacky clothes
Their hair and hats outrageous, each had a red foam nose

The clowns had come in numbers to enjoy the grand parade
They danced and laughed that other clowns had come to town that day
And then the marchers shouted, and the clowns all strained to hear
Each one tuned in intently with a gloved hand to an ear

“White power!” screamed the marchers, and they raised their fisted hands
The clowns leaned in and listened like they couldn’t understand
Then one held up his finger and helped all the others see
The point of all this yelling, and they joined right in with glee

“White flour!” they all shouted and they felt inside their clothes
They pulled out bags and tore them and huge clouds of powder rose
They poured it on each other and they threw it in the air
It got all over baggy clothes and multi-colored hair

All but just a few of them were joining in the jokes
You could almost see the marchers turning red beneath white cloaks
They wanted to look scary, they wanted to look tough
One rushed right at the clowns in rage, and was hauled away in cuffs

But the others chanted louder marching on around the bend
The clowns all marched along with them supporting their new friends
“White power!” came the marchers’ cry — they were not amused
The clowns grew still and thoughtful; perhaps they’d been confused?

They huddled and consulted, this bright and silly crowd
They listened quite intently, then one said “I’ve got it now!”
“White flowers!” screamed the happy clown and all the rest joined in
The air was filled with flowers, and they laughed and danced again

“Everyone loves flowers! And white’s a pretty sort!
I can’t think of a better cause for marchers to support!”
Green flower stems went flying like small arrows from bad archers
White petals covered everything, including the mad marchers

And then a very tall clown called the others to attention
He choked down all his chuckles, and said “Friends I have to mention
That what with all the mirth and fun it’s sort of hard to hear
But now I know the cause that these strange marchers hold so dear

“Tight showers!” the clown blurted out, and hit his head in wonder
He held up a camp shower and the others all got under
Or at least they tried to get beneath, they strained but couldn’t quite
There wasn’t room for all of them, they pushed, but it was tight

“White Power!” came their marchers’ cry, quite carefully pronounced
The clowns consulted once again, then a woman clown announced
“I’ve got it! I’m embarrassed that it took so long to see
But what these marchers march for is a cause quite dear to me!”

“Wife power!” she exclaimed and all the other clowns joined in
They shook their heads and laughed at how mistaken they had been
The women clowns were hoisted up on shoulders of the others
Some pulled on wedding dresses, “Here’s to wives and mothers!”

The men in robes were angry and they knew they’d been defeated
They yelled a few more times and then they finally retreated
And when they’d gone a black policeman turned to all the clowns
And offered them an escort to the center of the town

The day was bright and sunny as most May days tend to be
In the hills of Appalachia down in Knoxville, Tennessee
People joined the new parade, the crowd stretched out for miles
The clowns passed out more flowers and made everybody smile

And what would be the lesson of that shiny southern day?
Can we understand the message that the clowns sought to convey?
Seems that when you’re fighting hatred, hatred’s not the thing to use
So here’s to those who march on in their massive, silly shoes.

Martian attacks may be more preferable than Venutian

That's right. Greek is a fun language (note the sarcasm), and so is Latin. It is certain that were we to be attacked by folks from Mars, we'd call them Martians, and from Venus, Venutians. However, if you follow the Latin rules for grammar, the "of Venus," genitive case would make those invaders Venereal.

As Neil deGrasse Tyson says in the book i'm currently reading, the misfortune is that doctors stole this term before astronomers could claim it. Proving once again that astronomy is only the second oldest profession.

Over the HILLary

Seems a lot of folks are just that. According to Time magazine, she has every reason to be worried with how things are going. She hasn't fared well lately, assuming a lot of people were on her side that apparently are not. Her recent come back quotes always include the words "Texas" and "Ohio."

While she was in VA for the primary here last week, she was busy doing teleconferences and radio shows in TX and OH. She was on the ground in El Paso before the votes were even counted here and she wasn't the top pick here by far.

Time mag laid out why she has little reason to be so hopeful about Ohio. Apparently it has nearly identical demographics to Missouri. The populations of white, blacks, and Hispanics, as well as young college folk and urban blue collar workers are almost exactly the same and Obama won Missouri.

More importantly, Obama is doing much better among Hispanics than he initially did. He'd did very well in that demographic in Maryland and has been gaining steam. This spells trouble for her assumed victory in Texas.

The article pointed out that Obama has done several things to bring him to this point:
He has consistently gotten to each state before Hillary's people and hired the best locals He has never assumed a victory anywhere He has chosen experience and expertise as well as new ideas over former loyalty when choosing people to run the ground campaign

meanwhile...
Hillary has been tauting herself as the "incumbent" who has already been in the White House

Bill has been hurting her campaign as much as helping it in many ways. For every article on the good he does for her is one on the drag he creates. Besides encouraging the idea that no Dem is going to want to be her VP if Bill is the defacto to that office. It wasn't long ago that Obama pointed that out in a debate. "Sometimes i don't know which of you i am running against."

Eight years ago, many Democrats and non-partisans were quite excited about Hillary's chances. Then she got in the public spotlight and into real politics, out from behind the scenes. Democrats finally saw who they were dealing with and she is quickly becoming feared by as many Dems as Republicans.

Several months back, i learned that one of my good college buddies was working for Obama's campaign. He was pretty much a idealistic (in my point of view, naive) socialist in college, typical to UNC. i was curious why he was supporting Obama over Hillary. His answer was that Hillary even scared him and that he'd leave the country if she even ended up on the ticket WITH Obama.

Either way, my bet is that November 2008 will make more people happy than it did in 1996, 2000, or 2004. Democrats and moderates alike will be happy with either McCain or Obama. And poor Libertarians like me will be praying diligently that the person elected will maybe read the US Constitution...


PS: i'm not counting Hillary out just yet

The em-FAH-sis is on the wrong sih-LAB-bull

So i just took several interesting accent tests. i was curious because lately, Ashley has been pointing out how southern i talk on the phone with my parishioners in this little rural church i serve. Typically, i have almost no accent, but i do use y'all and many other vernacular phrases indicative of the south. However, much of what i say and how i pronounce things correctly pegs me as northern or mid-western. i've been told numerous times that i don't have an accent or have a "middle America" radio voice. So i took the following tests:

What American Accent do You Have?
With these results:

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The Inland North

You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."

Not exactly. i've never used pop to refer to soft drink in my life. And i've only been to Chicago once.

The Other What American Accent do You Have?
These results:

Northern

You have a Northern accent. That could either be the Chicago/Detroit/Cleveland/Buffalo accent (easily recognizable) or the Western New England accent that news networks go for.

Also, not so much.


Slightly worried, i took the Yankee Test. This test is helpful because it tells you where each answer is common after you choose an answer. Mine seemed to be US broad-based with a few in the mid-west and Texas and a couple in the Southeast.
With this result:

68% Dixie.Well under the Mason-Dixon Line

So, i don't say the L in SALMON like folk down here, and i pronounce most things as the appear in the dictionary, but use "y'all." Not sure these tests with only 10-20 questions are very helpful. If you find a more comprehensive one, let me know.

Yes WE CAN!

Barack Obama was recently quoted as saying, "Change cannot take place in America, unless there is new leadership in Washington..."

He then posed for a photo-op with world-renowned Mister Anti-establishment... Ted Kennedy!

I know who to vote for now!

Recently, Bill Clinton, while stumping for Hillary said that we "may need to slow down the economy to reduce global warming."

There ya have it folks... your obvious choice...

MAC attack

DEAR GOD! (think that screaming scene in Little Miss Sunshine when the kid discovers he's colorblind) Ok, that's out of my system. My friends who have Macs swear by them. i don't. One of their Mac's has had more problems than a Hugo, but she stands by it, defending it valiantly because it was a first generation model.

So, admittedly, i have some supremely dumb reasons i'm not willing to let go of for never owning a Mac. They include things like being the choice computer of nefarious people in my life, and the unabomber. But i have better reasons, even if you find them shallow. If these obstacles were surmounted, i might be persuaded.

(Note: given the option i'd prolly go LINUX instead of windows or leopard and build my own machine, but it's not so much an option just now. Yes, i'm a third party, second opinion, road less traveled sorta guy)

First off, and this actually is important to me: i think the actual computer looks like it is aimed at 13 year old girls. Mostly the little cute white plastic ones, but even the silver ones. i don't care how durable it is, it looks like i could break it more easily than my cell phone, and i've broken a lot of those.

Also, the interface gives me the same suspicion. It has got to look more rugged or it's a no go. i have to be able to THINK i can throw it into an active volcano, not think that my sister will ask me to paint my toe nails with her if she sees me using it.

The MOST important problem is the lack of a right click on the computer. i use this function so much it would be like peeing with no hands. i could do it, but why the heck WOULD i, if i had another option?

i also find it super counterintuitive that the up AND down scroll buttons are on the bottom of the screen. That just makes no sense to me. That's one of those features i'm convinced they keep on as a means of being different and punishing users for formerly being normal.

Alright Macintosh, you laud yourself on being so daggum customer friendly! The gauntlet is thrown! i married one of your ranks and you woo many more, but until you become user friendly enough for me and rugged enough for Indiana Jones (or at least look like it, i mean even Cadillac has SUV trucks now), you will not sway me!

The Beauty Around Us

I saw American Beauty for the first time this morning. Granted, it's very strange and I'm not sure I'd ever recommend it to anyone at all, well, ever, but it did have its moments. In particular, the moment when Kevin Spacey is talking to his daughter's best friend at the end of the movie. He wants so desperately to know how his daughter is doing and how her life is going. There's a combination of parents with a lack of interest in their teenager's lives and those that don't have any idea how to ask.

The really interesting moment is when the girl finishes and asks Spacey, "Well, how are things with you?" And she is quite sincere. One of the things that came up in college a lot with my international friends is how strange a custom it is in America to ask how you're doing as a greeting. No one actually cares or wants a complete answer. They are hoping you say fine so they can say the same and continue on. Kevin Spacey seems pleasantly taken aback. "No one has asked me that in a very long time," he says smiling. i frequently ask people that very question very aware of the depth it can go. i'm always surprised when at the reaction. If you want to try an experiment, ask one person each day how things are going, how they are for a week. Ask it with complete sincerity and make it apparent you're actually waiting for an answer. You won't move till you get it, no matter how brief or in-depth. Give it a week.

Un-BELIEVABLE!

Suppose you have a football team with 50 players. Over the summer as you are training, two players stand out as the worst players by far. They are terrible. They are the worst consistently at every practice. At the end of training camp, these two players are still your worst two players, but they went from being able to do 2 push ups each to 10! Granted, every other player on the team started off being able to do somewhere between 50 and 100, but they showed they most improvement! Now, your next step would be to take one of those two players and make them team captain for the season, right? (feel free to laugh at this point)

Well, this is precisely what Bill Clinton did during his term in the White House and lauded this morning on the campaign trail for Hillary in Iowa. When he was governor of Arkansas, they were one of the two worst states for public education. He talked about nearly 200 districts without advanced math classes or science or foreign language. He discussed (but with no details of course) how Hillary magically improved that situation (again, with no figures on results or test scores). When he entered the White House, one critic who had called Arkansas the worst in the country said that the two most improved schools in the country were Arkansas and South Carolina. Wow! Most improved! (Keep in mind, their rank had not changed)

Knowing his own state, Bill Clinton did not take this opportunity to shine the spotlight there and choose the school superintendent from Arkansas, but turned to SC. He put their school superintendent in the cabinet as the Secretary of Education. Now maybe this is someone you want to recognize for his hard work or to consult when addressing your worst school systems, but really, Secretary of Education? That's like assigning all the B students in your class to be tutored by the kid who made F's all semester and pulled it up to a C-. He might know good study methods, maybe some tips, but to put him in charge? No, you'd pick the girl who has made A's from the beginning. Lord almighty!

And on that note, he began talking about universal admittance to college/community college/ or trade school. Excuse me? What incentive does any kid have to do well in school if they know each next step is guaranteed? For that matter, what interest do they have? Not every kid i went to high school with had an interest in college. Many wanted nothing more to do with school. Lord knows i didn't. My father took a year off before deciding he wanted more education. Many people i know, including my mother, went back for more education later in life. Besides, if college is guaranteed, you don't have to work to earn and pay for it. This eliminates a work ethic completely. When you take away the entire work force of college age students who don't have to work, there's a huge gap in the service industries, fast food, mall jobs, theme parks, offices, life guarding, and restaurants. This is not only a critical time for kids to learn work ethic, but it's a TAX BASE. Without those kids paying taxes on those salaries, you are losing funding. You cannot create a program that takes HUGE amounts of funding to implement and continue (college tuition for everyone) and simultaneously eliminate tax revenue and radically alter the job market. Kids who don't have jobs in high school in college don't learn the basic skills they need for upper level jobs granted to them by higher education. Punctuality and money management, how to work for a boss and work with teams of people you don't choose. You don't learn these in a classroom, no matter how hard you try to duplicate those conditions.

All this to say, DO NOT vote for Hillary Clinton for President or Vice President if you have any common sense at all. At least shop around. Find someone who believes in the Constitution. Someone who understands that the founding fathers wanted us to be protected from high taxes without direct representation and a say in how the small taxes were to be used. Someone who understands that the government is NOT supposed to be your grandparent, handing you other people's hard earned money like candy. The government does not grow money. It takes it by the authority you give them and you get back some of it in the form of protection and order. Anything else is the government having a holiday on your dime. And that's the way it is.

Getting jiggy with the lasses...

Ok, maybe not jigging so much as skanking. i'm a huge Flogging Molly fan. i know some of the people who visit this blog are also fans of either Flogging Molly, ska, Irish, or Indy groups, so this posting is to list a few bands i've gleaned from Pandora. i will be adding more as i find them...

Drop Kick Murphys (of course, anything)
The Decemberists - Crane Wife 3
The Real McKenzies - Farewell to Nova Scotia
The Young Dubliners - Foggy Dew

(think Doug Schrutte)
Question, out of curiosity, would you classify capri's as:
a) mid-calf length
or
b) ankle length?


Follow up:
What would you classify pants as...?

Tied the Knot

Yeah, December 1st, we officially tied the knot in Chapel Hill at University Presbyterian. Rev. David Ward officiated and over 200 of our closest friends and family members and people who knew those friends and family attended ;-) Links to pictures and stories to come later. For now, check facebook.

Contending with Principles

This one is not just a movie review, but a review on conceptualizing morality. Probably very few of you have seen the movie, The Contender. i can honestly say that i am most thankful that i did not spend money to see it, but borrowed it from the library.

The Contender is a story about Jeff Bridges (the vice-president) ascending to the Presidency because of the death of the President and getting the opportunity to appoint his own vice-president. His first choice is a man, but he wants to leave a legacy and chooses a woman (Joan Allen). Her congressional confirmation must face the opposition of Gary Oldman (easy to hate) and Christian Slater. She faces her past, sexual escapades and scandal of varying degrees, and "sticks to her principles."

Well frankly, the movie pisses me off because of her lack of real principles. It's not that i disagree with her character as anti-pro-life or anti-second amendment or even as an atheist. What bothers me most is that her highest principle is privacy, over and above those political and religious ideals she claims to hold. As the movie concludes, and the "good guys" win, it's discovered she didn't actually whore herself out in college as alleged. However, they never address her affair with her current husband, whose ex-wife was her best friend. The movie portrays this woman as having the high ground. Those who would attack her sense of morality are the "bad guys" because they have no principle. It's mind blowing. Apparently, it's against her principles to answer for her personal life, but not to be complicit in marital infidelity with her best friend's husband. Now that's a woman of true principle, right?

Furthermore, Jeff Bridges starts his final speech before congress by saying that her gender should have nothing to do with her selection or confirmation. This is ludicrous. His first choice, made clear in the movie, was someone else. She wasn't even his first female choice, but the one least likely to be opposed of the women. He chooses her over his first choice BECAUSE she is a woman, and NOT because she is most qualified. She seems qualified, no doubt, but his character would have you believe that he chose her because she is MOST qualified and her gender had nothing to do with it. In fact, her gender was the reason he chose her. He desires to leave a legacy, or his "swan song" as he makes mention of many times over. He cannot ask congress to not consider her gender if it was his guiding principle for choosing her, and most especially if she is not the most qualified or even his own first choice.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."
Bill of Rights: Amendment I

In her closing statements, Joan Allen claims the founding fathers were not trying to protect religion from the government, but the government from religious fanaticism. This is probably the worst part of the movie. i do not think the church should rule government any more than government should rule church, but to claim what she claims ignores the entirety of American history. It's a farce. The Pilgrims came to the US seeking the freedom to practice religion as their community saw fit, without the interference of the government. The entire Bill of Rights, which the ACLU claims to uphold, is based on protecting individuals FROM the government and its power. This is done because the Constitution is set up to GIVE specific powers to the Federal government in the ideal that ALL other powers are reserved for the states. Our founding fathers made sure the basis of our laws were to ALLOW us, or give us freedoms FROM rule, not to dictate all we could or could not do. Our rights to peaceably assemble and to worship or not worship as we see fit are the guarantees provided by our forefathers. Her thinking is entirely backward. The forefathers had no reason to fear that some large church body would reign down over their new government. There was no such power around or conceived of at the time. Their concern was that a government would arise, like that in Europe that could dictate how they might live and worship and choose to assemble. Someone should give the directors and actors in Hollywood an American History Textbook.

Only in America

Never watch C-SPAN.

Two border patrol agents were sent to prison for pursuing a drug smuggler (in the country illegally) and his subsequent butt wound. Yup. You read that right. Several border agents pursued a drug dealer 9 months ago. He fled on foot when they almost caught up with his vehicle. Agents followed him and were separated. Shots were heard by agent Ramos, and he found his partner laying on the ground moments later. The drug smuggler turned around with something shiny and Ramos opened fire. He didn't think he even hit the suspect because he turned and ran again into the brush and escaped in another vehicle that was waiting for him.

Did the government...
A) Seize the 800 lbs. of marijuana, arrest and detain the drug smuggler, and pin a metal on the border agent who was injured in the pursuit

OR

B) Give prosecutorial immunity to the drug smuggler, bandage his butt wound, and sentence the border agents to federal prison for a minimum of 10 years and maximum of 20?

You may have guessed from my sarcastic tone, the government opted for option B. In other news, later this week, the US government is expected to begin giving rabies shots to the Easter Bunny and employing mimes for circuit court bailiff officers.

You may have heard a lot about the treatment of prisoners at Guantanamo Bay Cuba, and i'm not here to deny that prisoners there have been sorely mistreated or to debate how ashamed we should feel about that. Conditions have, however, improved.

In Gitmo, prisoners get 9 hours of exercise, including soccer.
In Texas prison, these border agents spend 23 hours a day in their cell.

In Gitmo, prisoners get to watch Arabic TV.
In Texas prison, these border agents are allowed no TV or books.

In Gitmo, prisoners receive the same medical treatment as American Soldiers.
In Texas prison, one border agent was assaulted and had to wait 5 days to see a doctor.

Yes, we stick border agents who go after drug dealers in prison and treat them worse than terrorists and criminals. Yes, we let the drug dealer go with no prison time that the border agents were intercepting.

The next time i get the urge to smuggle 800 lbs. of pot from Richmond to Chapel Hill, i'll just be sure to get myself shot in the ass by some state trooper. i'll get a band-aid and he'll go to jail for 10 to 20.

Bag 'er and Tag 'er

New duffel. i'll let the pictures do the talking...

"Be nice to me, i Tried to give Blood today"

Yes, tried. i haven't been able to give since HS because of various meds and trips and such. Being type O, it's important, as it is for all of us. i went over and it started out badly. The poor woman pricked my finger off to the side and when she bandaged it, put the sticky part on the cut, so a few minutes later we looked down to see i had bled all over my hand and the table. Ooops.
While this was going on, the nurse came over and asked if i wanted to try some machine that takes your blood out, centrifuges it and removes the red blood cells, and puts it back in the same arm so they can get a full pint from just one person, rather than having to combine it with someone else's later to get a full pint of RBC's. Well, i tried. She was all excited about my good veins and proceeded to stick me fine but fish the needle around a lot before she got it going and then turned the machine on. i was lightheaded and wonky in minutes and had to stop. Not trying that one again. So i missed most of my History section with all that jazz and have to go again today. Fun times with the VA Blood Donation services.

Taking a Walk

Read this first. Trust me, will help you a lot before you read my entry.

It details the younger Falwell's call for people to step from behind the pulpit and go preach the Gospel at folks and tell them what is right and wrong.

i wish someone would step from the pulpit and have a news conference announcing that they were demanding other religious leaders to follow them into the streets to feed the homeless, care for the sick and visit the prisons and live out the gospel as opposed to preaching it.

The sentiment isn't wrong, but people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care. In less than 300 years, Christianity grew from maybe 1,000 jews to 6 million strong in the Roman empire. Not by preaching, but by caring for widows and orphans and healing the sick and lame.

Francis of Assisi spoke my favorite quote ever. "Everywhere you go, preach the gospel...
...but only when necessary, use words."

This is Falwell's commission, Christ's own great commission was not "go and tell people what is wrong and right" (although it was implied in the code he lived by), it was "go tell the good news, the good news that i have lived and died so your sins are forgiven."

That's beautiful, not antagonizing or presumptuous.

Nearly every denomination of Christianity is shrinking in the "1st world" and growing in the "3rd world." Makes you wonder why, and i think the answer is true Christian community and the care of God's people, rather than words, pulpits, and so forth.

Some days, i dunno if i am up to that kind of call, or if i'll be able to inspire that in my youth or congregants. i sure hope so.

This just in...

You cannot be stealthy in a bright lime green Dodge Stealth at 65 in a 35 on Chamberlayne Ave at rush hour. You only make it 2 or 3 lights before screeching to a halt.

Goin to the Chapel (Hill)...

Well, it was a weekend of surprises. i'm not posting this immediately, so it will seem like old news to most of you reading it.

After weeks of planning, Ashley and i took the trip to Chapel Hill this past weekend (Aug 17,18,19) to "see Barnes" and "have dinner with the Wards." My original plan was that our excuse to go down that weekend was to help Kelley move in, so i had to rearrange a little, but nothing too big. i called Ashley's pastor weeks ago, Dave Ward for he and his wife, Angie, to invite us for dinner to give us legitimate dinner plans for Saturday night.

Friday night, we arrived in Chapel Hill and made it to Linda's for cheesy fries and drinks with my college friends, Melissa and Jen. It was pretty late when we left.

Saturday, we met my college roomie, Barnes, for lunch at Kurama, the Japanese hibachi place he used to work at. It was great.

Saturday evening, we headed to the Wards for dinner. When we were in the car, i got a call from Angie. She said she was sorry but they couldn't do dinner because they were at the ER with their son who had broken his arm next door. She apologized profusely and recommended that because the weather was so nice, that we should walk around campus. It was actually Kelley with a pre-written script. Ashley was fairly convinced. We had already talked about going to Franklin Street to go check on some possible reception locations and it was beautiful out, so we went over to campus.

We were strolling through the upper quad and talking about memories from college and when we first/last strolled through the quad together. The quad was full of new students back for the start of school and some folks playing frisbee. As we walked by Davie Polar a girl came up to us with her camera and notebook and asked to take our picture for her magazine article. She said she worked for the Blue and White and needed a picture of someone on the bench. (For those readers who don't know the history of the Davie Poplar Bench, the legend is that those who kiss on the bench will be destined to marry one another) Actually, the girl was my PCM friend, Anna, who i had asked to step in and get us to the bench and keep it clear of other lovebirds. So we sat down and she took a few pictures. She took our names in her notebook and that with the other notes she had convinced Ashley that it was legit.

Ashley stood up to go and saw that i was lingering and asked what i was thinking. i told her what i had planned to say and got down on one knee to give her the ring. That's when the "frisbee" players came over. They were the half dozen Achordants that my college roomie, Barnes, was able to recruit from his days in the group, with Barnes singing lead solo. They sang Stand by Me while i proposed and slipped the ring on.









She was thrilled and actually said yes. We called my folks and then hers and a few friends and took off for 411 West. We called a bunch of relatives and swung by the Wards to have dessert and then a party that Jenny Hodge and Rob Patchett were hosting. We even got by Linda's again to see Jess Patchet and Page Mowery before we called it a night.

Sunday morning we got to the Chapel Hill Bible Church and then to Brunch with the Trumbulls at Elmo's in Durham. We shot back to Richmond to move Ashley out of her storage space and into her new house on Hill Monument, about a mile from Union. We got to the U-haul at 4pm (they close at 5) and got out 10' 24-hr rental truck. We stayed a bit past closing and between me and Ashley and Kyle, got about 70% of her stuff into the truck and over to her house.

The plan was for me to take the truck with my buddy Charles and get the rest of her stuff over to her house, unloaded and the truck back to the U-haul by 4. We went over at 9am to discover that they had no power and couldn't open the storage rooms. They didn't get power back until 2pm and Charles and i had to run up to her 4th floor storage space in this warehouse, load all of her remaining things onto pallets and down to the truck, unload them at her house, gas the truck back up and get it over to U-Haul by 4. We barely made it. The upswing... she's ALL moved in to this great house. Pictures to come.

PostSecret Video

PostSecret now has a video on YouTube, officially by the guy who started it. If you've never been to the link on my blog for PostSecret, it's definitely an experience.









Oh, and supposedly, this is me...

Your Score: Ceiling Cat

45% Affectionate, 33% Excitable, 40% Hungry

You are a master of stealth. They never see you coming. But you always see them coming. HEY-O!

Grand Central

Well, one of the reasons i moved to Richmond for seminary was that i knew i wouldn't be far from relatives like my sister in Chapel Hill and Uncle in DC. While i haven't seen much of my uncle, and Kelley is moving back to Concord, i have become a stop off point for my Dad's side of the family. i lived in Chapel Hill for 4 years of college, about half an hour from my Aunt Judy and Uncle Paul and 15 minutes from my cousin Josee, but we all stayed so busy that i never saw them. Now that i am all the way up in Richmond though, this week, i had my second visit in 6 months from my aunt and uncle, as well as a visit from Josee. Always good to see family and have visitors and Ashley and i both like to see ours. Now that cousin Jackie is living in the DC area, we may get visits from time to time for lunches and dinners, which is great. It's also a stop off for my folks on the way north to NY, and hopefully a stop for those NY relatives headed south. We got Josee and her little one, Danny over to La Casita last Wednesday and Judy and Paul over to Strawberry Street Cafe for Sunday lunch/brunch. For those of you non-Richmonders, it's famous for its bath tub salad bar.

ANYthing is BEYOND Infinity

The razor that is. It's no good. DO NOT buy an Infinity razor. You will be majorly disappointed if you use any other straight razor than a Bic disposable. And to be honest, even a Bic is better.

Why? This razor has 2 blades of titantium that are supposed to last a life time. That's all well and good, but the design is horrible. First of all, i hadn't realized it, but there's very little difference between 3 and 4 or 5 blades, but anything more than 2 does in fact help.

Far more importantly however, a razor head that is flexible is incredibly superior around the contours of your face (or head or whatever you shave, i don't wanna know).

Yet, even if you do manage to navigate those contours fairly well, the Infinity razor doesn't even have a straight handle. It's curved, so those contours, like under your chin line, etc, are even harder to get to because you can only angle the head in so far.

Save your money, don't buy one.

The plus side? Free kitchen knives that can cut through aluminum cans!

World of trouble, world of Chocolate...

The first version of this entry was deleted (please feel with me my giant ball of frustration)

Ashley and i did the half day thing for work on Friday so we could take off for Pennsylvania. We had been invited (here, the word 'invited' means most nearly: she and i both took the place of her half brother who also was not technically invited in going) to her second cousin's wedding in Hershey. i got to meet her father's side of the family (her father and 4 of his 5 sibblings, their kids and spouses and her grandfather). They were all terrifically nice people and a real collection of characters (you can laugh now if you've ever met my family).

The wedding was lovely, and the groom even knew who we were once Ashley explained why were sitting in the place of honor in the church (here, the words 'place of honor' most nearly mean the second row pew in front of everyone else whom the groom or bride might have recognized or even invited). We much enjoyed the ceremony and the reception. It was an excellent chance not only to dance, but to get to know Ashley's family since no one really knew the bride or groom or any of the other guests very well. i spent my time getting to know her family and Ashley got to tell the story of how we met a few times over.

We also managed to make it to the Hershey park and Chocolate World and all that jazz. We bought boatloads of the stuff and sampled some and took the historical trolley tour. Ashley's 17-yr old cousin Brydon is one of the trolley tour guides and part of his gig is to jump off the trolley now and then, run around back and change into a different costume (and voice) in order to portray different characters that are discussed on the tour. The kids love it, and the adults pretend not to be equally as entertained.

Ashley's father gave her a beautiful cedar chest he's been working on for months and i'll post pictures soon.

A tribute

This is simply my grandfather's obit