Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Beating around the Bush to find the Gore

My favorite past time is NOT defending George Bush. But when using someone as a reference point that has done so much to repeal the advances in environmental policies in the US to put Al Gore in a healthy perspective, i'll do what i must. Yes, i've checked the Associated Press AND Snopes. This IS accurate...

LOOK OVER THE DESCRIPTIONS OF THE FOLLOWING TWO HOUSES AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL WHICH BELONGS TO AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

HOUSE # 1:

A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400.00 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern "snow belt," either. It's in the South.

HOUSE # 2:

Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest. A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the area blend the property into the surrounding rural landscape.

HOUSE # 1 (20 room energy guzzling mansion) is outside of Nashville, Tennessee. It is the abode of that renowned environmentalist (and filmmaker) Al Gore.

HOUSE # 2 (model eco-friendly house) is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas. Also known as "the Texas White House," it is the private residence of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

So whose house is gentler on the environment? Yet another story you WON'T hear on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC or read about in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Indeed, for Mr. Gore, it's truly "an inconvenient truth."

An update on a classic

So, i got to thinking the other day. If the Barenaked Ladies were to have written their song "If I had a Million Dollars" in today's 2008 economy, it would have been more like this...

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd rent you a room in Al Gore’s house (10,000 square feet has got to be green)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you the Harry Potter Collection for your shelf (maybe all the Blue-Rays too)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you half a tank of gas (a nice reliant premium grade)

If I had a billion dollars, I'd buy you love

If I had a billion dollars
I'd build a spaceship in our yard
If I had a billion dollars
I’d get Tom Cruise to help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had a billion dollars
Maybe we could put a refrigerator in there
Wouldn't that be fabulous!

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I buy you one of Duke’s referees (but not an old one, that's just cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you a rare exotic pet (like a Papillion or a faithful politician)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you Kenneth Jennings’ brains (You could win every Jeopardy game)
If I had a billion dollars I'd buy your love

If I had a billion dollars
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had a billion dollars
We'd take a hybrid limousine cause it costs more

If I had a billion dollars We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft dinners (we could afford to buy organic and maybe half a gallon of milk)

If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you some low rise jeans (but not real low rise in back)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you some art (but nothing modern, that’s cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you an election (haven't you always wanted a president that invented the internet?)
If I had a billion dollars If I had a billion dollars If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars I'd be getting’ tax breaks from George Bush!












(i'll try to get this recorded soon)

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Simple Update

Haven't written in a while.

It was spring "break" here at Union. As it was also Holy Week, i spent the latter half of the week doing stuff for and going to the evening church services. My youth group led the early worship on Easter today. They did a great job, really made me proud. But it meant i was busy preparing stuff this week.

We spent Monday and Tuesday shuttling back and forth from Chapel Hill with a Suburban and U-Haul to get Ashley's remaining stuff from her mother's house, the final move out. We had dinner with her mom on Monday evening, which was nice.

i also spent some time discovering how embarrassingly out of shape i am when i went to swim some laps at the Y on Friday and Saturday. i haven't been in a pool in 2 years and at least as long since i did laps. i have to be able to do a few for my Red Cross Instructor class this week. i surely hope i don't drown.

Friday, March 07, 2008

White Flour

by David LaMotte

(a true story about events that occurred on May 26, 2007. © 2007 Lower Dryad Music)

David performed, spoke this beautiful poem at Union tonight and i had to pass it on. No editorial, it speaks for itself...

The day was bright and sunny as most May days tend to be
In the hills of Appalachia down in Knoxville, Tennessee
The men put on their uniforms and quickly took their places
In white robes and those tall and pointed hoods that hid their faces

Their feet all fell in rhythm as they started their parade
They raised their fists into the air, they bellowed and they brayed
They loved to stir the people up, they loved when they were taunted
They didn’t mind the anger, that’s precisely what they wanted

As they came around the corner, sure enough, the people roared
They couldn’t quite believe their ears, it seemed to be – support?
Had Knoxville finally seen the light, were people coming ‘round?
The men thought for a moment that they’d found their kind of town

But then they turned their eyes to where the cheering had its source
As one their faces soured as they saw the mighty force
The crowd had painted faces, and some had tacky clothes
Their hair and hats outrageous, each had a red foam nose

The clowns had come in numbers to enjoy the grand parade
They danced and laughed that other clowns had come to town that day
And then the marchers shouted, and the clowns all strained to hear
Each one tuned in intently with a gloved hand to an ear

“White power!” screamed the marchers, and they raised their fisted hands
The clowns leaned in and listened like they couldn’t understand
Then one held up his finger and helped all the others see
The point of all this yelling, and they joined right in with glee

“White flour!” they all shouted and they felt inside their clothes
They pulled out bags and tore them and huge clouds of powder rose
They poured it on each other and they threw it in the air
It got all over baggy clothes and multi-colored hair

All but just a few of them were joining in the jokes
You could almost see the marchers turning red beneath white cloaks
They wanted to look scary, they wanted to look tough
One rushed right at the clowns in rage, and was hauled away in cuffs

But the others chanted louder marching on around the bend
The clowns all marched along with them supporting their new friends
“White power!” came the marchers’ cry — they were not amused
The clowns grew still and thoughtful; perhaps they’d been confused?

They huddled and consulted, this bright and silly crowd
They listened quite intently, then one said “I’ve got it now!”
“White flowers!” screamed the happy clown and all the rest joined in
The air was filled with flowers, and they laughed and danced again

“Everyone loves flowers! And white’s a pretty sort!
I can’t think of a better cause for marchers to support!”
Green flower stems went flying like small arrows from bad archers
White petals covered everything, including the mad marchers

And then a very tall clown called the others to attention
He choked down all his chuckles, and said “Friends I have to mention
That what with all the mirth and fun it’s sort of hard to hear
But now I know the cause that these strange marchers hold so dear

“Tight showers!” the clown blurted out, and hit his head in wonder
He held up a camp shower and the others all got under
Or at least they tried to get beneath, they strained but couldn’t quite
There wasn’t room for all of them, they pushed, but it was tight

“White Power!” came their marchers’ cry, quite carefully pronounced
The clowns consulted once again, then a woman clown announced
“I’ve got it! I’m embarrassed that it took so long to see
But what these marchers march for is a cause quite dear to me!”

“Wife power!” she exclaimed and all the other clowns joined in
They shook their heads and laughed at how mistaken they had been
The women clowns were hoisted up on shoulders of the others
Some pulled on wedding dresses, “Here’s to wives and mothers!”

The men in robes were angry and they knew they’d been defeated
They yelled a few more times and then they finally retreated
And when they’d gone a black policeman turned to all the clowns
And offered them an escort to the center of the town

The day was bright and sunny as most May days tend to be
In the hills of Appalachia down in Knoxville, Tennessee
People joined the new parade, the crowd stretched out for miles
The clowns passed out more flowers and made everybody smile

And what would be the lesson of that shiny southern day?
Can we understand the message that the clowns sought to convey?
Seems that when you’re fighting hatred, hatred’s not the thing to use
So here’s to those who march on in their massive, silly shoes.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Martian attacks may be more preferable than Venutian

That's right. Greek is a fun language (note the sarcasm), and so is Latin. It is certain that were we to be attacked by folks from Mars, we'd call them Martians, and from Venus, Venutians. However, if you follow the Latin rules for grammar, the "of Venus," genitive case would make those invaders Venereal.

As Neil deGrasse Tyson says in the book i'm currently reading, the misfortune is that doctors stole this term before astronomers could claim it. Proving once again that astronomy is only the second oldest profession.